


Who needs memories?

by miyarinnnn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Romance, Author is just sad, Canon Compliant, Heavy Angst, Inarizaki, M/M, Mentioned Komori Motoya, Mentioned Miya Atsumu, Probably a lil OOC?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:40:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26145034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyarinnnn/pseuds/miyarinnnn
Summary: Osamu was the one to fall first but Suna is the one who keeps hanging on.
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	Who needs memories?

**Author's Note:**

> So this is like a work I just whipped up right on the spot after reading a breakup scene of Osamu and Suna, and not gonna lie it made me so devastated. So, like a masochist, I wrote more heartbreaking stuffs to torture myself. And also as for the title, I couldn't come up with something decent so I was like why not use Inarizaki's slogan, it could work. That's why it might probably seems out of place but anyway, enjoy?

Osamu sighs, as he reaches for the lying figure on the bar counter. He kind of wants to run his fingers through those soft brown locks he was very familiar with but he pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind. 

“Hey, Suna,” He calls out, dodging the hand Suna extends out to swat him away, the latter’s habit when he’s forced to wake up. Suna groans a little and shifts to plant his face on the other side, ignoring Osamu’s attempts of waking him. The bartender stares after them, and Osamu gives him an apologetic smile, he doesn’t really want to know how much of a ruckus Rin threw before his arrival. Rin rarely drinks to the point of getting hammered but when he does, it’s not a very pretty sight. Osamu had learnt it the hard way. 

“Suna, come on,” He tries again, nudging him on the side, “It’s already past the closing hours. Let’s not trouble others.” Against his restraints, he reaches for the stray hair and tucks it behind his ears. Suna finally stirs at the touch, like he always does when he wakes up. Osamu comes eye to eye with those grayish-yellow eyes, which frays to the yellow side under the light, those narrow, cat’s eye opal like orbs he loves so, so much-no, he doesn’t deserve to say it anymore, does he? Suna just stares at him, leaning into his touch. Does Rin not snap out of the trance yet? He usually gets into a reverie when he wakes up. Osamu scoffs at his own thoughts, it’s ironic to know THIS much about a person who isn’t even his anymore. He stares at Suna’s hazy eyes, for as long as he’s allowed to, he isn’t really sure what would transpire when Suna finally gets his awareness back. He loves staring at drowsy Suna, his expression all soft and relaxed. He used to give mushy smiles to Osamu in his drowsy state which did so many things to his heart that he had to pepper kisses all over his face and Rin, his Rin giggled at the action, and Osamu had felt like he wanted to keep those soft sounds in the bottle forever. But gone were those soft expressions and soft laughters, replaced by cold stares and blank face which he can’t decipher anymore. (He was able to read Rin like an open book, despite most claims of him having a deadpan face every single time.) Suddenly, as if he’s triggered, Suna jolts up and immediately retreats from his touch. Osamu swallows the hurt that wells up, no, you’re not supposed to be hurt. You were the one who hurt him, he reminds himself. Suna sits up across him, arms folded, the action he does when he gets defensive. His brows are scrunched up, his yellow eyes narrowing to glare at Osamu. 

“Oh wow, look at this, isn’t this fucking great?” Suna hissed, malice visible in his tone, “I’m even fucking hallucinating now.” Osamu had loved Suna’s sarcastic side, but to be the one on the receiving side makes everything so surreal. You did this to him, his brain cells remind him. 

“Suna,” he settles with just calling his name, telling him he’s really here not just some hallucination drunk Suna makes up. He chooses not to see the pain on Rin’s face which stays for just a millisecond before changing into a neutral expression. If Suna wants to wear masks around him, that’s fine by Osamu. He supposes he has no right in telling the younger male to open up to him after all, not after everything they’ve went through. 

“No, you’re not Osamu,” Suna says firmly, “Atsumu probably changed his hair and came to fetch me.” Osamu reaches out to him but Suna promptly whacks his hand away. 

“Don’t touch me,” he hisses. Osamu shrugs his hands up in surrender, Suna is behaving just like a stray cat and there’s nothing he could do but to listen to him. 

“Why are you here, Osamu?” He really couldn’t bare to hear this much of a spite in his beloved Rin’s voice. 

“Komori called me, that you’re too plastered and wouldn’t budge even though they attempted to drag you home.” 

“Motoya, the fucking traitor,” Suna grunts as he stands up abruptly and wobbles and crashes against the counter, “You don’t actually have to listen to him. You can go now, Osamu. I’m fine, leave me alone.” 

“No, you’re not fine. You can’t even walk straight.” He points out. 

“You don’t know a single thing about me, Miya Osamu,” Suna clenches his jaw as he thrusts an accusing finger right into Osamu’s chest, “You don’t get to act like you know me. Now scram.” Osamu knows it wouldn’t be agreeable situation even before he comes, and he’s quite prepared to deal with this intoxicated, enraged Rin, even though he’s very unaccustomed with this side. Rin never actually got furious with him after all. 

“Suna, calm down,” he says as Suna’s voice relatively gets louder. 

“Calm down? Why the fuck should I calm down when you come waltzing in like everything is alright? You don’t get to give me this kind of expression, you don’t get to look at me like THIS when you were the one to break me.” Suna yells at his face, clenching onto his shirt. His face is flushing, Osamu couldn’t really tell if it’s from fury or if he’s intoxicated, probably from both of them. “Yer hot when you’re mad,” Third-year Inarizaki high school student Osamu had once told Suna when he fought with Atsumu over some club activities. But it’s not very pleasant when he’s the one who Rin is swearing series of profanities. 

“I know, Suna. But calm down, you’re a public figure remember?” He tries to convince, not wanting to attract more attention. He really doesn’t want to harm Suna’s career but luckily there’s not much customer inside too. 

“I don’t give a flying fuck about it, Osamu.” He shoves Osamu back, staring him challengingly. 

“Rin, please,” Suna visibly loosens up at the nickname and plops down on the stool, eyes suddenly filled with so much grief. Suna’s probably tired of pretending, pretending everything’s fine that he doesn’t even bother hiding his expressions like he did before, tension deflating out of his body, and he’s left all drained and looks absolutely so, so exhausted that Osamu wants to pull him in his arms and whispers sweet nothings into his ears, that everything will be alright and that he’s here. 

(Atsumu had asked if he’s happy with his choice, all serious, which is a rare sight on him. “Yes, I think so.” He had lied to his twin for the very first time, it’s Atsumu who does the lying and never Osamu. 

“Sure, if you say so,” Atsumu shrugged, “but Sunarin is not fine.” 

“Suna is perfectly fine, I just saw him the other day and he’s doing just alright.” 

“He took two balls to the face, collided right into Komori and served right into the back of Washio-san's head, in an actual match. Yeah, sure, he is fine.” 

“He’ll get over it,” 

“Samu, you- you know what, never mind. You’re right, he’ll get over it. I’ll just suggest Komori to set him with up someone.” Atsumu sighs impatiently, too tired of dealing with his stubbornness. Osamu bluntly ignored the ache lodging right in his chest and settled with a “yeah, sure. You should do that.” And he focused right on his onigiri to avoid Atsumu’s concerned stare, and if his twin noticed how hard he’s pressing the onigiri, he didn’t choose to comment on it.) 

“Let’s go home, Rin,” he pushes his luck when Suna stays silent. 

“There’s no home for us, ‘Samu,” Suna stares at him with those yellow orbs brimming with sorrow, “We don’t get to call it home anymore.” Osamu ignores the comment and leans towards Suna to help him up. 

“I’ll walk you home, Rin. You shouldn’t be out this late. You have matches in a few days.” He reminds. Suna looks like he wants to retort “why do you know that too?” but he chooses to stay quiet and just gazes at Osamu like it has been ages since he has last seen him. It really sure feels like they haven’t seen each other for a long time, this is the first time in months since they’ve been this close to each other after all. He touches Suna’s shoulders, testing the waters, if the latter will push him away or not. Suna sits still, and when Osamu pulls him up, he doesn’t struggle. He swings side by side even with Osamu holding him by the waist and balancing him. 

“How much did you even drink, Suna? You’re totally wasted,” He says, dropping him right back on the stool. Suna just blinks. He has no choice but to piggyback him back to his house. 

(It’s not a foreign concept to them though, Rin, back in high school had usually pestered Osamu to carry him because he found walking to be such a bother. 

“You’re such a lazy bum,” Osamu had said with so much fond and affection in his voice when Suna leaped on him. Rin had grinned as he wrapped one hand around Osamu’s neck and one hand not dropping his chuupet. 

“Your lazy bum,” Rin joked back, mimicking his accent. It had become their routine on their way back home, with Rin usually munching happily on his chuupets every single time on Osamu’s back. Atsumu had gagged when he walked together with them one day, saying that he would absolutely not walk with annoying, love birds ever again. Osamu and Suna purposely did more PDA that day just to spite Atsumu. And Atsumu really never tagged along after that.) 

“Get on,” he says as he stoops down right in front of him. He doesn’t look back on purpose, not wanting to see what kind of expression Rin would be wearing, will he be in pain, will he be smiling from nostalgia, he doesn’t really want to know. After spending a few moment in that position, Osamu almost thinks Suna is going to reject the offer until he feels the younger male’s weight shifting onto him. He feels his heart clench when Suna wraps his both hands around his neck, face nuzzling into the crook of his neck. 

“How much I drank, you ask? I’m drunk to the point that I almost asked you to come back.” Suna says quietly. Osamu sighs, tightening his grip on Suna’s thighs as he gets up. Suna is light, even after becoming a pro and bulking up, he always leans to the slender side. He had always lectured how it has to do with him not eating properly. 

“You can go to sleep if you want,” He says, ignoring Suna’s last statement. Suna just hums back, probably too comfortable lodging on Osamu’s back. Osamu grabs Suna’s wallet and phone, shoving it into his pockets. He asks for the bill, making sure to add a considerable tip for the poor bartender who had to deal with drunk Rin. He suddenly feels like he’s brought back to reality when the gust of wind hits his face as he steps out of the bar. Should he be really doing this to an ex-boyfriend? But he pushes his thoughts away, for now, Rin’s safety comes first, he reasons. After he has sent him home, he’ll get over this very quickly like he did with their breakup. He’s lucky Suna chooses a bar close to his home. They haven’t done this in ages, in fact they hadn’t been spending much time for years ever since they graduated. The last time he piggybacked Suna was on the graduation day, with both of their 2nd buttons exchanged. Suna laughed freely on his back, hands waving the certificate, proud of himself for getting through high school. Osamu wouldn’t never forget the view as he looked back on his shoulders, with Rin basking in the fading sunlight, he looked absolutely ethereal under the setting sun. They forgot everything at that moment, the fact that Suna is moving away to a place 6 hours away from Osamu, and the fact that they wouldn’t see each other on the court anymore, just relishing the presence of each other. He had thought everything would be alright if he had Rin by his side. It had stayed true for most years. Suna tightens the grip around his neck, as if he’s also remembering the high school days, the days where they were head over heels in love and nothing else had mattered. They spend the time in silence but the tension is undeniably there, and they’re just dancing around until one of them reaches the limit. 

“Are you happy now, Samu?” Suna finally speaks up, voice so soft that Osamu would’ve missed it if he isn’t so close to him. Osamu feels his throat goes dry at the question. Suna doesn’t really hesitate and go for a kill right away huh? 

“What do you mean, Suna? I’m as happy as one can get. No one can be happy all the time.” He knows he’s a coward but there’s no way he could wear his heart on his sleeve. He feels Suna shakes behind him. 

“Bullshit,” Suna spits, “stop changing the subject. You know what I mean.” 

“Does it matter now?” 

“It does, to me,” He hears Suna sniffs, “It matters very much to me. You broke me to the point that there’s no saving. It’s been months, I tried to get together with lots of people but it doesn’t fucking work. There’s not one day I don’t think about you, Osamu. You might move on easily but I can’t do that.” No, Rin, it isn’t very easy for me too. He ignores the ache from imagining Suna, his Rin being all smiley and soft with another person. Suna’s voice trembles, “I should at least know that you’re doing good despite my sufferings. Please tell me you’re absolutely happy with your decision- so that I could fucking move on from you.” 

“You don’t deserve me, Rin.” Suna shifts aggressively on his back, attempting to stand on his own feet. Osamu tries to pull him but Suna is way too swift for someone so drunk. 

“Rin, don’t move so much, you’re drunk.” He tries to pull on his arm, but Suna slaps it away. 

“Cut the crap, Osamu.” He says, as he shakingly tries to stand on his own. Osamu approaches to balance him but Suna fists Osamu by his shirt. 

“So are you satisfied now?” He asks, voice shaking. Osamu looks up to stare right into his eyes but he’s rendered speechless by the tears streaming on his face. Suna is far from a crier, he would tear up from anger or from being upset but even Osamu has never seen him cry for real. Osamu had teased him when he came across a lot of crying childhood pictures and Rin jokingly replied him that Osamu must’ve treated him very well that he didn’t have the need to cry. It’s ironic, now that he witnessed Rin cry for the very first time, he’s the reason behind those tears. And he belatedly realizes that he absolutely detests to see him cry and he would give up everything in the world just to make him stop. He couldn’t care less of the reaction as he immediately cradles Suna’s face in his face and wipes those tears away. Upon the gesture, Suna sniffs and cries even more. His hands on Osamu’s shirt loosens up and falls to his side. He shifts so that his forehead touches Rin’s, hands cradling his face so tenderly. 

“What do you want me to do, Rin? What should I do for you?” The question seems to snap Suna back to his sense, he shoves Osamu away from him. He raises his fists to slam repeatedly on his chest. Suna had always expressed his frustration this way and Osamu used to tease how weak his punches are, the punches still doesn’t hurt but Osamu finds himself flinch from pain from the expression Suna is wearing. 

“Isn’t it too late to ask me that now?” He raises his voice, “You should’ve stayed from the beginning. What do you possibly want me to ask from you now?” 

“I..” He feels like he has nothing to retort back. After all, he is the one in the wrong. 

“Tell me, Samu,” Suna looks up to him with heart-rending eyes, “am I not enough?” The last part came out as a broken whisper. Nothing would ever break his heart more than this situation, Suna hadn’t cried nor even asked for a reason when Osamu broke it off with him. (He could clearly recall that day as he thinks back to that moment very often, more than he’d like actually. Even when he finally has someone else beside him, he sometimes feels like rewinding everything and choosing the option of staying. Rin had shown various emotions in a split second when he said “let’s end this Rin, I feel like we’re going nowhere.” 

“Are you really sure if this is what you want, ‘Samu?” He looks up, head still not moving from where he’s lying on Osamu’s shoulders, eyes surprisingly tender, showing no surprise. He must’ve partially expected, their relationship had been going downhill for a few months. 

“I think we would be better off each other,” 

“You don’t even want to have a break to check first?” Suna had asked. Osamu couldn’t help himself but pressed his lips on the latter’s puckered lips, ignoring Suna’s “are you giving me a farewell kiss?” 

“Why should we postpone the inevitable, Rin?” 

“Okay...okay, let’s do that then.” He didn’t even waver his voice, he spoke in a tone like he’s agreeing to go to a conbini.) But now, the same Suna is standing right in front of him, close to breaking down, eyes filled with tears. It’s such a foreign sight that Osamu freezes in spot. 

“Is it because you don’t want to disappoint your parents? You don’t have to let them know, I am okay even if I have to be with you in silence.” 

“No, Rin, you know it’s not the case for us.” He draws circles on his back, hoping to calm the latter down. The younger is too intoxicated, Suna loves him sure, but Osamu understands him and his pride more than anyone else to know that he would never utter these words when he’s sober. Suna has always been the type to suffer silently after all. 

“Or is it because you want kids? I told you I’m open for suggestions for that.” 

“Rin, we need to get you home. Let’s not do this please.” 

“I know I wasn’t the best boyfriend, Samu. I was always so so busy. And I was out like a light whenever you came to sleep over. I can be very selfish sometimes, and kept my distance from you without saying anything whenever I’m stressed. I’m sorry for being like that, I swear I’ll change.” Osamu feels like he can’t breathe, he wants to flee from this situation, he can’t bear to see the pain, the pain he inflicted on Suna. 

“Rin,” his voice trembles, “this is not on you. You were the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. We were equally busy but I had really enjoyed those years as much as our high school days. But you know we were barely doing well, this is bound to happen.” 

“But ‘Samu, I love you.” Suna cries out. Osamu shakes at his tone. 

“I love you too, Rin,” he replies without hesitating for a moment, “And I thought if we love each other, that’s all that matters.” 

“We can make it work ‘Samu,” Suna places a hand on his jaw, all tender. “We can get through this together.” Osamu places his hand atop. 

“You know I can’t do it anymore, Rin,” he says, and that’s probably when Suna seems to realize the whole ordeal, abruptly jerking his hand away like he had just touched fire. 

“You can make it work with her, but not me?” He spits, malice back in his voice. 

“It’s different, Rin.” 

“No, stop,” he raises his voice, “don’t call me Rin, don’t call me in THAT voice when we have nothing to do with each other.” 

“Do you love her?” He asks, “Do you love her more than me?” 

“Rin...” 

“You could easily move on, I thought I could fucking do the same. Every single time, I told myself, that it’s about time I move on from the past. But what a fucking joke, just one “Rin” from you, and I’m back to square one, trapped in the past once again.” He sobs. Osamu holds him by his shoulders and pulls him into a hug. Suna doesn’t pull away, he’s probably too worn out from this whole exchange. 

“I’m so tired, Samu. I’m tired of feeling hurt, I’m tired of the churning I get whenever I see you with her, I’m tired of feeling weak whenever I’m near you, I’m tired of midnight breakdowns, I’m tired of everything.” Osamu leans in to press a kiss on his temple. Rin shudders at the contact, eyes reflexively closing. 

“You will get over it, Rin.” He says, ignoring the heartache. He hears Suna chuckle in mockery, and he suddenly feels like crying Rin is so much better than this Rin. Osamu pulls away to look at him in the eyes, the yellow orbs he loves are filled with so much fire. 

“You’re right, Osamu. I’ll get over it. It isn’t that hard when you did that right? I think I should be able to do the same too.” 

“Rin...” Osamu has lost count of the times he keeps uttering his name, but that’s the only response he could come up with. 

“You should go, Osamu.” He says, “You shouldn’t be out this late with an ex-boyfriend. It wouldn’t sound nice when your new girlfriend hears this too.” Suna hisses out the last part. 

“I’m sending you home, Rin. You’re drunk, there’s no way you would be able to go home alone.” 

“I’ve sobered up, don’t worry. I’m perfectly aware of everything now. And my house is already close by, I’ll manage.” 

“Don’t be stubborn, Rin. I’ll walk you home.” 

“Stop making things more difficult for me than it already is, Samu,” Suna pleas, “Just go. Like you said, if we’re better off without each other, if you don’t have the intention of coming back into my life, you should stay away from me. Maybe until my feelings have reached to a point where they couldn’t be wavered even after seeing you.” Osamu sighs, he couldn’t really fight on this. 

“Alright,” he agrees, not before leaning in to press a kiss atop his head, “I’ll do that.” Suna covers his face with both hands and slides down. 

“Good luck with her,” he says in a trembling voice, “I hope you’re happy.” 

“I’m sorry, Rin.” 

“Don’t be. If you think this is a right choice, you don’t have to be sorry about it.” Osamu has actually a lot of words threatening to come out of his mouth but he just settles with, “Take care on your way back home, Rin.” Suna just nods, not looking up to him. Osamu is glad he doesn’t spare him the glance; he isn’t sure of himself if he could walk away from him if he sees Rin’s expression right now. Osamu clenches his fists, and turned on his heel to walk away. 

“You remember, ‘Samu?” Suna asks and he stops walking to listen to him, “How you had been the one to coax me into this relationship?” 

(He’s right, Osamu had been the one to confess and the one to ask him out. Suna didn’t really harbor that much of a feeling towards him back then. They were sitting on the rooftop, which was always off-limits for students but Suna had a way with opening locks. Suna had been eating the onigiris Osamu made for him, and Osamu just stared at him. He wasn’t sure what urged him to blurt out his feelings to his secret crush of a year. 

“Sunarin,” he called, the name feels quite foreign now that he had started calling him Rin in his head, so he mustered up the courage and settled with a “Rin”. Suna turned around in shock, face flushing at the new nickname. 

“I like you,” he said. Suna blinked, before replying “Oh okay, I like you too, bro.” 

“No, I didn’t mean like that.” 

“You want to date me kind of like?” He wasn’t really sure what’s going on inside Suna’s head as he stared at him with his usual deadpan face. 

“Yes, Rin. I want to go out with you.” 

“Alright, cool. Then, let’s date.” 

“Are you sure? I’m not asking you to go to a convenient store with me or anything you know? I’m asking you to be my boyfriend.” 

“Yes, idiot,” Rin chuckled, “I’ll be your boyfriend.” Osamu raised his fist in triumph, he really wasn’t expecting this situation when he accidently blurted out. Suna laughed, looking at him celebrating. 

“You better treat me right,” Suna had said. 

“You can count on me.” He grinned as he held Suna’s face with both of his hands, “Can I kiss you Rin?” Suna looked so stunning when the red flashed on his face, even up to the tip of his ears. He nodded and Osamu leaned forward to crash his lips onto those pairs of lips he had been dreaming of.) 

Osamu clenches his jaw at the memories, he shouldn’t really be remembering those moments now that he’s walking away from Rin now. He knows that this is his last chance and that if he walks away now, they’re done for good. He has made his decision but why is he hesitating now? 

“You were the one to ask me out, I hadn’t really thought of you much honestly speaking. However, all these years with you made me fell in love you, I didn’t know when I fell in love but with you, everything was comfortable. It was natural, like I was made to love you. We fitted each other like a jigsaw puzzle. It’s funny how everything began with you but now I’m the one who’s almost begging you not to end this.” 

“I’m sorry for venting, ‘Samu. You can go now. I’ll stop holding onto you.” 

“Thank you for the past seven years. You made me the happiest I’ve ever been.” Rin sobs, and Osamu wants to turn around so much but he’s not sure he’ll be able to let go if he does turn around. 

“Like our slogan, who needs memories right? The past is gone, I have to learn to cope with my new future.” He hears Suna stand up, “Goodbye, Osamu.” He hears shoes scuffling and he doesn’t have the heart to look back to see Suna walking away from him. Who needs memories? Apparently, Osamu does, because that’s the only way he would be able to relish Rin’s smiles and soft laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> ...I'm so sorry it ended like this. Please don't hate my baby Osamu too much :") I told you, I was really really sad when I wrote this so. And I know I kept on changing Suna's name, I hope the alternations don't bother y'all. Alsoooo, I'm also working on a fluffy OsaSuna fic too so, maybe I will post it if I could finish it? Anyway, thank you so much for reading <3


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